State of mind....blank...
Is it ever possible to sit without any thoughts? A mind that is like a blank canvas ready to be painted with bright colors. Is it possible?
Mine always has a color. A color so dark that nothing else could be created, nothing else could be painted.
Expect of the calm white that comes from your presence.

How should I make sure that nobody and nothing ever influence me? It is been a rough ride. I get carried away. Intelligent and so-called mature that I am ! I should have been immune to outside influences.

The verdict now matters so much that the actual self is lost. Do I want this to be my life? Am I going to count the number of ticks that I get from others? I probably won't care about it in end.

It's tough to find the factor that make you realize what is going to give inner peace. It's tough for me to break out of mold and stop looking at my poll result. It's not a competition. It is never supposed to be. My life is not a measure of how competitively well I am from others on the points that are created by those who are nothing to me.

I am unique in every possible sense. I have to get over it and soon. Thoughts are abandoning me now. Next time something else....

contemplating

Lately i have realized how frequently i use the phrase 'I hate it'. Anything that i don't like or annoys me or simply put me out of my comfort zone falls under the category to be 'hated'.

But is it appropriate to hate? It simply means that i still care for that. Isn't it said that opposite of love is not hate but is to be indifferent?
So why can't I give it a damn in my usual 'I don't care' style? Why the things around my shell are getting so complicated that i feel suffocated. Or I, myself have made this shell so compressed that its rugged edges have started making me bleed.

Is the discontent because of shortcomings around me or my shortcoming that's now surounds me.